| Author |
The Day The Universe Stood Still. *Fan Fic* |
Painfulangel
Grand Admiral
Joined: December 26, 2009
Posts: 188
From: Exathra
|  Posted: 2013-07-30 02:13
The Day the Universe Stood Still.
Chapter One: The Beginning of the end.
“captain on deck!” yelled the guard coming to attention and saluting the Fleet Admiral, all the operators stood and came to attention and followed “At ease boys” said the Admiral, walking to his command chair aboard the ICC Combat Dreadnought the ICCS Bellfast. The Bellfast was the flagship of Decide, a fleet in ICC, The ship was sent to a small colony in the Dres-Kona system, the planet, Tar-Nak was only a small mining settlement that had been reporting pirate activity, the ICCS Bellfast was sent by Admiral Chaos to investigate this reported pirate activity and bring an end to it.” Have the colonist reported any activity of late?” asked politely to everyone “aye sir, several ships have been reported heading to this direction, the class and design of these ships are unknown and are large is size.” Replied a communication specialist. “Contact Admiral Chaos and give him the report, ask him to dispatch a small defence fleet to our location and ask him to send two corvettes to the reported sighting.” Said the Admiral “Aye sir.” Replied the specialist. The Admiral stood from his command chair and walked over to a viewing window, looking at the arid planet they were sent to investigate and protect, he thought to himself what he had done to get given this detail, his ship was the flagship and deserved to be in command of fleets, not protecting some little colony that no one cares about. He walked back over to his command chair, as he sat down the communication specialist reported that the colony had received a transmission of unknown origin “tell the colonist leader to send the transmission to us, I want to hear it” suddenly, loud screeching noises that made all crew members of the massive dreadnought fall to their knees rang through out the ship “we have watched you, studied you, all beings in this galaxy are not worthy of of having the entity they have now, you will face the judgement of K’rollo”. The loud screeching stopped “Specialist Lang, Doctor Tawyer to the bridge now!” Specialist Lang had called for Doctor Tawyer through the intercom, Doctor Tawyer was a UGTO head of the scientific discoveries and research (SDR). She came to the ICC when her facility was shut down and she was forced to renounce her title and job, she comes from a very prominent family that has aided the UGTO and her great grandfather discovered the QST torpedo for the UGTO. “Admiral, what was that screeching and that voice!” Said the doctor hastily “I Have no Idea doctor I was hoping you’d know something about” Replied the Admiral. “I’ve never heard anything like it, it obviously used high pitched sound waves to disrupt our functions and hold our attention” explained Doctor Tawyer “yes well this is going to have to go to the admiralty, this… anomaly to Admiral Chaos”. “Spin up the Tachyon Drive, I want a course set for Exathra” commanded the Admiral. As the ship turned and began to move forward a bright light appeared, “Admiral, a Large vessel has droped out of hyperspace, they’re behind us and we are unable to get a visual, there is also a large energy reading coming from the ship!” yelled the helmsman “Bring us about!” yelled the Admiral. The ship jerked violently as projectiles hit the rear of the ship “Admiral we have hull breaches in level A5, A7 and E2” Yelled the damage control officer “ Seal those areas!” The ship shook as 3 more projectiles hit the ship “ Admiral Engineering has been taken out, the Tachyon Drive is operational and you can remotely control it” informing the admiral. “Admiral, hull integrity is at 72 precent, shields are down and our armour has been completely obliterated” Said the damage control officer , several more projectiles hit the read of ship, forcing the massive dreadnought to roll out of control “We lost the use of the Tachyon Drive, artificial gravity is still on” Yelled the damage control officer “Admiral we’re heading towards the planet, we can’t stop the roll and we’re going to hit the planet” said the helmsman “abandon ship!” Yelled the admiral, the voice of the communication officer rang through the ship ordering all personnel and crew to evacuate the ship. “Admiral, 40 precent of the crew are evacuated, there is less than 2 minutes to contact with the planets atmosphere” Yelled the helmsman “Everyone get to the lifepods now, I’ll stay and try to steer the ship away from the colony!” ordered the admiral all crew on the bridge refused and stayed at their position, saying that he will need them. “Had Doctor Tawyer been evacuated?” said the Admiral “Aye sir” replied the damage control officer. The ship had entered the planets atmosphere and stopped rolling “Admiral the ships turning generators were destroyed with the engineering level, we can’t direct the colony away from the planet” Said the damage control officer “has the emergency distress beacon been sent out?” Asked the Admiral “Aye sir” replied the communication officer “men, it’s been an honour.”
Several months later at Exathra Navy Command.
The admiralty board had approved to get a fleet to go out to Tar-Nak and investigate the whereabouts of ICCS Bellfast. “We still have to find someone who will take on this mission and with all the conflict with the UGTO and K’luth at multiple battlefronts, with this war, it’s going to be difficult to find a captain that will do this mission” Said Admiral Chaos “It won’t be hard, Admiral Xavier was a friend, I volunteer for the mission” Said Fleet Admiral Jenkins “with Admiral Xavier missing, you’ve inherited his responsibility as the new fleet admiral and after all this activity, do you really think that’s a wise choice?” Said Admiral Chaos “I do sir, I’ll take 5 corvettes with me to Tar-Nak, I’ll be back in no time.” Said the new appointed Admiral Jenkins “and what ships will you be taking exactly?” Replied Admiral Chaos “well I still need to figure which ones will be right for the jobs, but the ICCS Irony will be there defiantly” Replied Admiral Jenkins. “Ahhh, your first ship, it’s old and outdated, we use to do planet runs now” said Admiral Chaos humorlessly “well I’ll get the ship refitted, the ship is under my command now and I’ll make sure it is used for more productive purposes” replied Admiral Jenkins. Both Admirals came to an agreement to which ships would be used and their captains “very well Admiral Jenkins, you have 3 weeks to get the ICCS Irony to your operational standard and set out.” Said Admiral Darkheart. The Admiralty meeting was dismissed and Admiral Jenkins set out to order the 5 corvettes to Exathra. Sitting in his Cabin, which was about the size of a large apartment, he sent an invitation to Admiral Chaos for dinner at 8PM aboard his newly appointed flagship the ICS Wamberal , a new dreadnought that is 2km in length and 1.7km wide, 13 Chemical lasers including 4 heavy chemical and 4 pulse beams for point defense. At the front of the ship there were 4 Ion cannons, there are 9 Gauss cannons including 4 heavy gauss cannons, 5 torpedoes at the front of the ship below the ion cannons. When Admiral Jenkins first set eyes on this newly designed ship he thought it was a capital ship, he thought that who ever was lucky to command that ship would be the most feared captain in the entire ICC fleet. Admiral Chaos accepted Jenkins invitation, as he arrived at the Wamberal’s stateroom, Jenkins was just coming down the hall, meeting Admiral Chaos exactly on time. “Good evening Admiral” Said Leeroy Jenkins politely “good evening, cut the formal talk, we’ve known each other too long” said the admiral smartly. “Ha, well my mother always told me to respect my elders, so excuse me for going overboard” replied Jenkins sarcastically “ you should know, I received a transmission from the Bellfast before it went off the grid, they reported a sighting of an unknown fleet” said Chaos “well, I’ll find out what happened when we get there, that’s why I’m taking a small fleet of corvettes, so if there is any pirate fleets we can quickly get in there and out before they even know we’re there” replied Jenkins “yes well if they do engage you, you’re going to be out gunned, and Decide can not afford to lose another fleet admiral”. “Don’t worry, the ships will be out fitted with the latest propulsion drives, they’re going to have three gauss cannons with two state of the arc torpedoes” . The two admirals sat at the table in the massive executive stateroom.
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Iwancoppa
Fleet Admiral
Joined: November 15, 2008
Posts: 709
| Posted: 2013-07-30 03:47
Smaller paragraphs, please?
Looks good, though!
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Painfulangel
Grand Admiral
Joined: December 26, 2009
Posts: 188
From: Exathra
| Posted: 2013-07-30 04:48
Will do, I know there are a few typos but nothing that people can just unjumble themselves. Thanks! I've got two more paragrapghs but I'm waiting on more opinions so I know if I should continue
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Kaine Darkheart -SO-
Grand Admiral
Deicide
Joined: March 30, 2002
Posts: 458
From: Oshkosh, Wisconsin
| Posted: 2013-07-30 13:05
I do myself write stories and minus the pargraph issues theres really nothing wrong with it. You may wana punch up the dialog a bit, and get rid of some of the excess, i.e using doctor everytime the research lady comes up. dr this and dr that gets a bit drab.
All in all its a solid start. a few more ambiant affects would also help in future action scenes to draw the audiance in something such as . the lighting on the ship completely failed for several seconds after the first volley of the blah blah ship. emersing the bridge in the red glow of the emergency lighting.
just my two cents.
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