| Author |
The Other Side of DarkSpace |
Xilaratu
Cadet
Joined: May 06, 2004
Posts: 745
From: Florida
|  Posted: 2004-10-27 18:44
Badonkadonk
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Move like water.
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Axalon
Vice Admiral
Joined: June 15, 2003
Posts: 442
From: East Windsor, NJ, USA
| Posted: 2005-01-25 16:13
After many a death threat from Darkspacian (or maybe that was a dream), here's another chapter of the Story of Darkspace.
Author's Note: I have decided to make this fic a satire of what is going on in DS, so chapters here will most likely reflect stuff going on at that very moment.
The Other Side of Darkspace
Chapter 6: Where Have All the Gamers Gone...
[______Latest Forum Topics_________]
- Another cool game
- This game is possessed by the devil
- DAMN TRUCE!!!! OMG IT SUX!!!! I KEEP LOSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Idea to make DS better
- Want compensation for smashing into Sirius 1
- I hate people with too much pres
- Rigor Mortis
- Rant about Flux
- Rant about Faction hopping
- i got banned
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Topic 1: Another cool game
spasticplastic3019
[blank space where rank should be]
Joined: 4 days ago
Hey while playing DS which I think is a great game I decided to find other games like this. I found one. Its called EvE. I'm sure you never heard of it. Anyway it seems way cool and im going to play it and i sugest trying it t00.
-------------------------------
Reply:
[S.C]TheVirtuous{EvE Should DIE!} (note the use of irony in this passage)
Lobbycamper
Joined: Long, long ago
YEAH! EVE SUX! EVE SHOULD DIE AND GO TO HELL!!!!!! WE SHOULD BURN AN EVE EFFIGY!!!! DARKSPACE ROX!!!! Faustus is doing a great job, IMO. I think this game has much potential.
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Topic 2: This game is possessed by the devil
randomn00bwhojoinedyesterday
Midshipman
Joined: Whatever today is
I have been playing this game a long time and I've realized that this game sux. All the planets I build keep getting bombed flat in one run. My beautiful concentric circle pattern gets blasted every time. I also notice that I keep dying withing 4 seconds in the MV while driving an unmodded sensor frig into battle with the rest of the cruiser/dread fleet. It gets annoying! I wish someone would fix this better because if not, I will have no choice but to leave this game, and my departure will be felt by everyone and throb in the minds of others for years to come.
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Topic 3: DAMN TRUCE!!!! OMG IT SUX!!!! I KEEP LOSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
..spastic..
Grand Admiral (or so they claim)
Joined: irrelevant
THIS TRUCE SUX!!!!! I DONT WANT TO WORK WITH THE DAMN UGTO BECAUSE IT GETS OLD AND EVEN THOUGH I DON'T HAVE TO FOLLOW THIS TRUCE AND IT EVEN SAYS SO IN THE NEWS LIST THING I STILL FEEL LIKE RANTING BECAUSE THE NEGATIVE KARMA RELEASED FROM THE OTHER POSTS HAS CAUSED AN EVIL SIDE BENT ON DESTROYING DS AS WE KNOW IT HOLY CRAP AN ANEURYSM IM GONNA DI-
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Topic 4: Idea To Make DS Better
Random Unsubbed Guy
Blah
Blah
How about every 6 minutes we all get 100 pres. That way we unsubbed n00bs can freeload and station whore in the MV for days on end!
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Topic 5: Want compensation for crashing into Sirius 1
[Name of anime character with pretentious misspelling]
Hi i was wondering if i could possibly get compensation for lost res for slamming into sirius 1 injump. I was jumping just fine but suddenly i dropped my donut so i go down to the floor to reach it and the next thing i know im at ship selection. this lag has got to be fixed. it was the lag that made me plot a jump right in sirius 1's orbit path and blindly jumped without checking for a red line.
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Topic 6: I hate people with too much pres
Poisonous
Some people have too much pres. they have like 10k ship destroyed and repair points while i have a measly 4 jumps total. its unfair that some people have played longer and strive to be at the pinnacle of ds power. this isnt fair...
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Topic 7: Rigor Mortis
rofl
rofl
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Topic 8: Rant about flux
[FF]Fatal Fatality
*see chapter 5*
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Topic 9: Rant about Faction Hopping
[FF]Fatal Fatality
*see chapter 5, but substitute in Faction hopping for flux. It will still read with the same readability -- none.*
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Topic 10: i got banned
****dog
i dunno why, but i was ****ing banned yo. I dunno why the **** anyone would ****ing ban me but I was ****ing banned yo. I think the mods are ****ed up. I never got banned while playing on battle.net, WTF man?
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FIN
(okay, that one wasn't quite as funny as the others and I might expect some flaming. But before you do, look at the Latest Topics list. You'll be surprised)
-Axalon
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BackSlash
Marshal
Galactic Navy
Joined: March 23, 2003
Posts: 11183
From: Bristol, England
| Posted: 2005-01-25 16:38
lmao @ B.Net
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Hellza - master
Cadet
Joined: February 24, 2004
Posts: 556
| Posted: 2005-01-25 17:09
ROFL!!!!
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Fattierob
Vice Admiral
Joined: April 25, 2003
Posts: 4059
| Posted: 2005-01-25 18:17
woah. Nice.
almost makes me want to go write that last part to my fic...
....almost.
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Placebo
Vice Admiral
Joined: September 16, 2003
Posts: 450
| Posted: 2005-01-25 22:48
...right.
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Axalon
Vice Admiral
Joined: June 15, 2003
Posts: 442
From: East Windsor, NJ, USA
| Posted: 2005-01-26 12:40
Positive responce so far...good...
#3
-Axalon
EDIT: Sorry, #4. I forgot the bump order. And I'm the one who wrote it. I should put it up again. *runs off*
[ This Message was edited by: Axalon{Absolut} on 2005-01-26 14:09 ]
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Axalon
Vice Admiral
Joined: June 15, 2003
Posts: 442
From: East Windsor, NJ, USA
| Posted: 2005-07-19 13:49
Remember when this was funny?
Chapter 7: GTN gone wild
Scene: Maurbon, where a bunch of poor people stripmine the planet for creds, little do they know the horrors about to rear its ugly head. (how do you know its ugly, I mean, does horror have a head? Does he have a helmet, maybe braces?) Anyway, blah!
[-GTM-]BackDash *Jim*: ZOMG!!!!!!!
Jimmie: where's the action?
[-GTM-]BackDash *Jim*: There is none.
Jimmie: But Hippo said there was a 50 ship battle.
[-GTM-]BackDash *Jim*: Only 30 ppl are logged in *snicker*. Come camp and get rammed into a planet by my tractor beams. I mean, mine.
Jimmie: Wouldn't we just be playing EvE-
[-GTM-]BackDash *Jim*: Shut up.
*Time passes*
[*LEGEND*]Avalon{Fanta} (yeah, its kinda tasteless to put yourself into the story, but can it, I'm necessary.): Hee hee hee. [Tractors BackDash towards him]
*[*LEGEND*]Avalon{Fanta} was destroyed by [-GTM-]BackDash *Jim*!
[-GTM-]BackDash *Jim* has been awarded the Platinum FF Badge!
[-GTM-]BackDash *Jim*: ZOMG! I win! You will worship me as a GOD!
[*LEGEND*]Avalon{Fanta}: Hey but-
[-GTM-]BackDash *Jim*: HOW DARE YOU USE THE SAME CHATSCREEN AS I! I AM SUPREME DEITY!
Jimmie: Quit shooting me Backy! I'll /report you!
[-GTM-]BackDash *Jim*: I'm not, Faustus is.
Jimmie: No he isn-
[-GTM-]BackDash *Jim*: Yes he is.
[-GTM-]Sovereign: Hey Back-
[-GTM-]BackDash *Jim*: You will greet me as Lord Deity King Prime Minister Comrade BackDash, Ph.D, Esquire, Ltd.!!!!!!1211!1!!!111!!!!
([DED]Zim leaves shipyard)
[DED]Zim has been destroyed by [-GTM-
[-GTM-]BackDash *Jim*: AHEM!!!!
SERVER: Sorry. Destroyed by Lord Deity King Prime Minister Comrade BackDash, Ph.D, Esquire, Ltd.!
[-GTM-]BackDash *Jim*: Better. But you have failed me. Eat AMD64!
*END*
And that's basically what happened as UGTO, at Maurbon, yesterday. I was there. REALLY!
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BackSlash
Marshal
Galactic Navy
Joined: March 23, 2003
Posts: 11183
From: Bristol, England
| Posted: 2005-07-19 14:23
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Fatal Rocko Willis
Fleet Admiral
Fatal Squadron
Joined: March 01, 2003
Posts: 1336
From: Kentucky
| Posted: 2005-07-20 15:05
too funny... heck throw me into the mix as well... I like for people to get a good laugh because of me.
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Axalon
Vice Admiral
Joined: June 15, 2003
Posts: 442
From: East Windsor, NJ, USA
| Posted: 2005-11-25 13:40
Chapter 8: ICC Bombing Skool
(Scene: Exathra, at the prestigious Bito Military University of Spacecraft Piloting and Stuff™)
Admiral Sheng: So, how is the cadet training going along, Mr. Swift?
JackSwift: Everything is going nicely. Our cadet turnout is 25, record numbers for this fine school.
Sheng: Excellent, any issues?
JackSwift: Well, no, all our cadets are enthusiastic. We realized we had low numbers of ranking officers, so we gave anyone who went through the bombing school a promotion to VA.
Sheng: And?
JackSwift: Yeah, to meet quota, we had to adjust our curriculum...
Sheng: How so?
JackSwift: *sweat drop*...come with me...
* * *
(Scene: Classroom E208 - Bombing for n00bs)
Fornax (with thick German accent): Hokay, you see large blue orb? Aim Bomber Dread towards orb, make sure supply is with you now, and mash "B". Make sure you use MiRVs now, don't want to make UGTO think we're pansies.
Coeus: Uh, sir?
Fornax: Make sure you keep smacking "B". Forget about reload times. Hit it hard, bombs come out, planet goes BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Coeus: Wouldn't it be wiser to bomb off the side with bio bombs, to minimize the risk of crashing and leaving the buildings intact, so we can use them?
Fornax: *face turns red* GET OUT!
Coeus: But-
Fornax: GET OUT! GET OUT! YOU QUESTION MY METHODS!?!?!!?
Coeus: Well, couldn't we be strategic about it?
Fornax: YOU SILLY Exathrian f00l! We tried this "strategy" in 1.482. And what did we get?!?!?! NOTHINK! We got NOTHINK!
Coeus: Yes, but now its...differe-
Fornax: IGNORANT FOOL! I am right! YOU are wrong! These are tried methods!
Coeus: Ramming BDs with bombs into planets is effective? Sounds wasteful.
Fornax: Are you the teacher?! No, you're NOT!
Coeus: But this method is suicide!
Fornax: We keep things simple.
Coeus: Simple?! SIMPLE?! Any idiot with arms can ram a dread into a planet!
Fornax: Exactly.
Coeus: But, that's inhumane!
Fornax: We need to fill our quota.
Coeus: That's sick! SICK, I TELL YOU! I'm joining GTN...*leaves*
Fornax: Fine! Okay class, any questions?
$yTHe: Wait, you're teaching us to be kamikaze dread pilots? I'm not loved!!! *cries*
Fornax: No, we're teaching you to be effective! YOu want to be a HERO, Mr. $yTHe?
$yTHe: *sniff* yes...
Fornax: Then keep with my class. I believe in you.
* * *
Sheng: ...
JackSwift: I warned you, sir.
Sheng: Mr. Swift, I want you to go shoot yourself out back.
JackSwift: No! Wait, you see, this is actually GOOD for us. It keeps FS quiet because a horrible exploit is actually on their side! I'm a freaking HERO!
Sheng: I suppose you're right. Just don't let the UGTO hear about this...
(Outside)
BackSlash: You heard that?
Demorian: Yep.
Coeus: Told you.
Enterprise: You think we should...you know...let someone know?
Demorian: No, that would be too easy.
END
-Axalon
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Ragglock
Marshal
BIOnics Industry Syndicate
Joined: May 29, 2001
Posts: 1955
From: Denmark
| Posted: 2005-11-25 14:32
lol
im Intrigued could make a good daytime sitcom out of this
lets call it "Joning the darkside of Darkspace" 
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LOVE the smell of human flesh in the morning smells like MVictory
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Light-of-Aurora
Grand Admiral
Joined: December 01, 2003
Posts: 602
From: NJ, USA
| Posted: 2005-11-25 14:33
First time seeing any of these, very funny 
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BackSlash
Marshal
Galactic Navy
Joined: March 23, 2003
Posts: 11183
From: Bristol, England
| Posted: 2005-11-25 15:33
LOL
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Axalon
Vice Admiral
Joined: June 15, 2003
Posts: 442
From: East Windsor, NJ, USA
| Posted: 2005-11-25 22:00
Heheheh...
author's ramblings:
I actually didn't like how Chapter 8 turned out. I just don't think it had the "oomph" that Chapters 1-4 had, but regardless, it "seemed funny at the time when I was thinking it", and ended up posting it anyway.
My personal favorite chapters were 1, 2, 4, and 7.
And just for kicks, I'll list a few ideas I had (and may have written some on them) but never released (IE: Outtakes).
1) Sono and his obscure file formats
2) N00bs and their inability to locate the large "Play" button on the toolbar
3) More Fatal Command *CO* bashing
4) Darkspace in real life
Any of those you'd like me to develop? I'm eager to undertake in #2 and #4. Might provide the desired effect (I think chapter 4 had the strongest effect) I try to get when I write these stupid things...
I hate always "writing the same crap over and over", but, as this is a satire of Darkspace, and all the rants I hear are all the same, its hard to come up with something original (notice how chapters 5 and 6 are near carbon copies). I try to make every chapter different, fresh, and of course, funny.
But enough of my rambling! Off to work on Chapter 9!
[ This Message was edited by: Axalon{Absolut} on 2005-11-25 22:10 ]
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