| Author |
Edgar Allan Poe's The Raven (Darkspace Rewrite by Fattierob) |
Fattierob
Vice Admiral
Joined: April 25, 2003
Posts: 4059
|  Posted: 2005-10-10 14:29
Edgar Allan Poe's The Raven
(Darkspace Rewrite)
One upon a midnight dreary, while I typed weak and weary,
Over many a stupid and curious text of DS lobby lore,
While I nodded, nearly agreeing, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some on gently rapping, rapping at the DS lobby door.
'Tis some noob', I muttered,'tapping at the lobby door -
Only this, and nothing more.!'
Ah, distincly I remember, it was in the bleak December,
and each seperate dying account wrought it's post count upon the floor,
Eagerly I wished the number; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From Backy's count surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore-
For the rare and radiant number whom the angels named Lenore-
Infinite here for evermore.
And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each moderators curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic bannings never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of the lobby, I stood repeating
'Tis some vistor, entreating entrance at the lobby door -
Some late vistor entreating entrance at the lobby door; -
That it is, an nothing more!'
Presently my ego grew stronger, emoting then no longer,
'Sir' said I, 'or Madam, truly your stupidity I implore;
But the fact is, the lobby is napping, and so gently you came rapping.
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at the lobby door,
That I scarce was sure I head your yellow coat' - here I opened up the lobby door;
Darkness there, and nothing more
deep into that darkness peering, long I looked for yellow, wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no yellow coat ever dared to dream before
But the chat list was unbroken, and the aways gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whisepered word, 'Lenore!'
This I whisepred, looking for yellow, but the echo murmured back the word, 'Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.
Back into the lobby turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping, somewhat louder then before.
'Surely.' said I,' Surely that is something noobish at my window lattice;
Let me see then, how much thereat is, and this stupidity explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this stupidity explore; -
'Tis the Bandwith and nothing more!'
Open here I look at the list, when, with many a yellow text and flutter,
In there stepped a noobish name of the leet days of yore.
Not the least smart made he; not a minute stopped spamming did he;
But, with mein of lord or lady, perched above the lobby door -
Perched upon a piece of the lobby door -
Suddenly shut up, and nothing more.
Then this yellow coat beguilling my happyness into unsmiling,
By the grave and stern of the coat it wore,
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven though,' I said,' art sure a noob.
Ghastly grim and ancient leet wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy leet name stands for on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the noob,'I am teh leetzor.'
Much I marvelled this ungainly noob to hear discourse so plainly,
Thought its name little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was cursed with seeing such a noob at the lobby door -
Noob or spammer above the Darkspace lobby door,
With such a name as 'I am teh leetzor.'
But the noob, sitting lonely on the piece of the lobby door, spoke only,
That one phrase, as if his whole life in that one phrase he did outpur.
Nothing further intellegible did he utter - not a feather then he fluttered -
TIll I scarcely more then muttered 'Other noobs have been banned before -
On the morrow wil he be banned, as others have been before.'
Then said the noob, 'I am teh leetzor.'
Startled at the stupidity broken by reply so badly spoken,
'Doubtless,' said I, 'what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy forum post whose umerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his posts one burden bore -
Till the dirges of my hope that he shut up never bore -
Of "I am teh leetzor."
But this yellow coat beguilling my happyness into unsmiling,
Straight I clicked on my DS log, in front of this noob on my door;
Then, upon the grim smile of my log, a betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this noob of yore-
What this stupid, uneducated, ominous noob of yore
Meant in croaking 'I am teh leetzor.'
This I watched engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the noob whose fiery eyes now burned into my body's core;
This and more I watched divining, with my head at ease reclining.
On my chairs cushion velvet lining with the monitor light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the monitor light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!
Then, methough, the lobby grew silent, muted from an unseen censer
Swung by Doran whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor
'Wretch' I cired, 'Thy admins hath lent thee - by these mods he has sent thee
Shut up - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost lenore!'
Quoth the noob, 'I am teh leetzor.'
'Noob!' said I, 'thing of evil! noob still, if yellow or black! -
Whether IGN sent, or whether babbages tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this sacred lobby land enchanted -
On this lobby by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - IS there intellegence in you? - tell me- tell me, I implore you!'
Quoth the noob, 'I am teh leetzor.'
'Noob!' said I, 'thing of evil! noob still, if yellow or black! -
Whether IGN sent, or whether babbages tossed thee here ashore,
Tell this soul with sorrow ladden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted mod whom the admins named Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant mod, whom the admins named Lenore?'
Quoth the noob, 'I am teh leetzor.'
Be that phrase the sign of banning, noob or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
'Cut your internet cords now, and get back to the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black coat as a token of that /away lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the lobby near my door!
Take thy leet from out of this lobby, and take thy self off the door!
Quuth the noob, 'I am teh leetzor.'
And the noob, never moving, still is spamming, still is sitting
On the piece of the Darkspace lobby's door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a noob that is dreaming,
And the sun light o'er him streaming throws shadows on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall never be intellegible - I am teh leetzor!
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Doran
Chief Marshal
Galactic Navy
Joined: March 29, 2003
Posts: 4032
From: The Gideon Unit
| Posted: 2005-10-10 14:47
lawlerskaets
good stuff.
got the "abort/retry/ignore" version around somewheres?
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Enterprise
Chief Marshal
Joined: May 19, 2002
Posts: 2576
From: Hawthorne, Nevada
| Posted: 2005-10-10 14:59
*applause*
-Ent
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Lux (Polaris)
Fleet Admiral
Raven Warriors
Joined: April 20, 2004
Posts: 835
From: Asgard
| Posted: 2005-10-10 15:28
*applause*
Good one...how long did that take? 
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ICC Security Councilor - Raven representative
Loyal Admiral of the Interstellar Cultural Confederation Navy.
Senior Commander of the Raven Warriors, the ICC elite.
Captain of the Assault Dreadnaught \"Gungnir\"
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Fattierob
Vice Admiral
Joined: April 25, 2003
Posts: 4059
| Posted: 2005-10-10 15:58
about 20 minutes <.<
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BackSlash
Marshal
Galactic Navy
Joined: March 23, 2003
Posts: 11183
From: Bristol, England
| Posted: 2005-10-10 16:04
I spose I lol'd
(That was pretty damn good, well done!)
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Coeus {NCX-Charger}
Admiral, I can't read,
Sundered Weimeriners
Joined: February 16, 2004
Posts: 3635
From: South Philly
| Posted: 2005-10-10 16:06
...
frightening.
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Darkspace: Twilight
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$yTHe {C?}
Grand Admiral
Sundered Weimeriners
Joined: September 29, 2002
Posts: 1292
From: Arlington, VA
| Posted: 2005-10-10 17:31
That is the only piece of Poetry I have ever enjoyed reading.
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