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Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners |
Fatal Rocko Willis
Fleet Admiral
Fatal Squadron
Joined: March 01, 2003
Posts: 1336
From: Kentucky
|  Posted: 2007-12-14 12:53
These are the things you need to know.. they are called the ... (drumroll)
Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners.
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
Dining Out:
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
Entertaining In Your Home:
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
Personal Hygiene:
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
Dating (outside the family):
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, "Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal."
Weddings:
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.
Driving Etiquette:
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
Two Reasons why it is hard to solve a Redneck Murder:
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
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Feralwulf
Grand Admiral
Joined: January 24, 2004
Posts: 1729
From: sitting somewhere drinking beer
| Posted: 2007-12-14 16:22
I see you left out
Redneck Etiquette for All Occasions
Never take a beer to a job interview or ask if they press charges.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
Always say "Excuse me" after getting sick in someone else's car.
It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it's considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
The socially refined never fish coins out of public toilets, especially if other people are around.
Always provide an alibi to the police for family members.
And also the ever important
Redneck Theater Etiquette
Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
_________________
 rnrn
Don't mess with old dudes...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!
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kenetiks
Admiral
Galactic Navy
Joined: November 21, 2001
Posts: 1130
From: Bandcamp
| Posted: 2007-12-15 10:23
Quote:
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On 2007-12-14 12:53, Rocko Willis wrote:
These are the things you need to know.. they are called the ... (drumroll)
Two Reasons why it is hard to solve a Redneck Murder:
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
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Hey now, insulting other player's is still insulting and is against the RoC, regardless of wether it is factual or not. And on that note, I'm insulted damnit. And furthermore, as a senior DS player and legendary figure, I demand and REQUIRE the respect I deserve as such AND my supreme stature as a DS's resident redneck.
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Lacrosseian
Fleet Admiral
Raven Warriors
Joined: October 01, 2004
Posts: 1254
| Posted: 2007-12-15 10:35
Quote:
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On 2007-12-15 10:23, kenetiks wrote:
Quote:
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On 2007-12-14 12:53, Rocko Willis wrote:
These are the things you need to know.. they are called the ... (drumroll)
Two Reasons why it is hard to solve a Redneck Murder:
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
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Hey now, insulting other player's is still insulting and is against the RoC, regardless of wether it is factual or not. And on that note, I'm insulted damnit. And furthermore, as a senior DS player and legendary figure, I demand and REQUIRE the respect I deserve as such AND my supreme stature as a DS's resident redneck.
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We could always test the playerbases' DNA to figure out who the true rednecks are considering they would have the same DNA...
Besides ken, how can you be DS's resident redneck if you do not have a thread telling the story of your redneck life?
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Shigernafy
Admiral
Joined: May 29, 2001
Posts: 5726
From: The Land of Taxation without Representation
| Posted: 2007-12-15 14:07
He's got a point. A redneck thread is considered meeting the burden of proof for staff intervention. Sorry ken, petition denied.
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* [S.W]AdmBito @55321 Sent \"I dunno; the French had a few missteps. But they're on the right track, one headbutt at a time.\"
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Coeus
Grand Admiral
Sundered Weimeriners
Joined: March 22, 2006
Posts: 2815
From: Philly
| Posted: 2007-12-15 16:10
'sides, you're out numbered by staff rednecks... 2-1 
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Do I really look like a guy with a plan?
'I'm gonna go crazy, and I'm taking you with me!'
ICC Security Council Chief Enforcer
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Fattierob
Vice Admiral
Joined: April 25, 2003
Posts: 4059
| Posted: 2007-12-15 18:06
Quote:
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On 2007-12-15 14:07, Shigernafy wrote:
He's got a point. A redneck thread is considered meeting the burden of proof for staff intervention. Sorry ken, petition denied.
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I demand proof you are indeed staff, and that staff would indeed intervene if ken could prove his redneck heritage.
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kenetiks
Admiral
Galactic Navy
Joined: November 21, 2001
Posts: 1130
From: Bandcamp
| Posted: 2007-12-15 18:10
Quote:
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On 2007-12-15 14:07, Shigernafy wrote:
He's got a point. A redneck thread is considered meeting the burden of proof for staff intervention. Sorry ken, petition denied.
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Ill git to werkin' onna that rite now.
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Shigernafy
Admiral
Joined: May 29, 2001
Posts: 5726
From: The Land of Taxation without Representation
| Posted: 2007-12-15 18:37
Quote:
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On 2007-12-15 18:06, Fattierob (x2 3x 11"/52 SK C/28) wrote:
I demand proof you are indeed staff, and that staff would indeed intervene if ken could prove his redneck heritage.
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Sorry, you don't have standing in this case and therefore you have no validity before the court on this case.
_________________
* [S.W]AdmBito @55321 Sent \"I dunno; the French had a few missteps. But they're on the right track, one headbutt at a time.\"
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Fattierob
Vice Admiral
Joined: April 25, 2003
Posts: 4059
| Posted: 2007-12-15 18:50
Quote:
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On 2007-12-15 18:37, Shigernafy wrote:
Sorry, you don't have standing in this case and therefore you have no validity before the court on this case.
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Ah, yes I do. I'm an expert on stupidity (Masters Degree from Cambridge). I am well trained in the ability to recognize stupidity from multiple mediums of communication as well as the cognative ability to counter such acts with immensly long poly-beurocratic rambling and immensevly large knowledge of archaic and meaningful dialogue.
As such, am I able to testify and call upon the courts practices and judical abilitys as my own right a s a citizen.
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kenetiks
Admiral
Galactic Navy
Joined: November 21, 2001
Posts: 1130
From: Bandcamp
| Posted: 2007-12-15 20:00
Quote:
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On 2007-12-15 18:50, Fattierob (x2 3x 11"/52 SK C/28) wrote:
Quote:
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On 2007-12-15 18:37, Shigernafy wrote:
Sorry, you don't have standing in this case and therefore you have no validity before the court on this case.
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Ah, yes I do. I'm an expert on stupidity (Masters Degree from Cambridge). I am well trained in the ability to recognize stupidity from multiple mediums of communication as well as the cognative ability to counter such acts with immensly long poly-beurocratic rambling and immensevly large knowledge of archaic and meaningful dialogue.
As such, am I able to testify and call upon the courts practices and judical abilitys as my own right a s a citizen.
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hahaha
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