| Author |
Darkspace: Origins |
Coeus {NCX-Charger}
Admiral, I can't read,
Sundered Weimeriners
Joined: February 16, 2004
Posts: 3635
From: South Philly
|  Posted: 2007-09-14 15:45
Leo, can you do better?
_________________
Darkspace: Twilight
|
GothThug {C?}
Fleet Admiral
Joined: June 29, 2005
Posts: 2932
| Posted: 2007-09-15 18:36
ooh i think he can coeus 
_________________
|
$yTHe {C?}
Grand Admiral
Sundered Weimeriners
Joined: September 29, 2002
Posts: 1292
From: Arlington, VA
| Posted: 2007-09-15 18:50
GothThug:
_________________
|
GothThug {C?}
Fleet Admiral
Joined: June 29, 2005
Posts: 2932
| Posted: 2007-10-13 18:39
Necrobump....
Chapter 2 coming in 40 minutes XD
_________________
|
GothThug {C?}
Fleet Admiral
Joined: June 29, 2005
Posts: 2932
| Posted: 2007-10-13 20:18
Chapter 2: Greivance: Part 1: Speedy Recovery 07:10 Hours zulu time march 7th 2275
After several surguries Michael "GT" Porters injuries start to heal...however...the one to the spinal column will keep him in a wheel chair for months...only time will tell as massive surguries will make this a painstaking recovery.....
The UWS Galveston is undergoing Refittings and Repairs at Luna Shipyards and is being Retrofitted with more weapons...its gonna be a Super Elite Battle Dread....after the incurision with the Siphon lord knows he'll need it...as the battle has only just begun.
08:30 hours Sirius Time: March 7th 2275
Admiral Kel'Taurk of the Y'Rath'Atar jumps into the sirius system and is hailed by the queen herself.
"do you have the package?" "no my queen, i got jumped in groombridge about 3 hours ago by a UGTO Battlefleet." The admiral explains. "a warrior by the name of Michael "GT" Porter captured the people that i had...i worked so hard on that mission and that H00-mon got the better of me" "No need to worry my loyal servant" the queen says, "we're working on an alliance with the Fatal Squadron, he escaped from CD-36 6 months ago. we will work with them to get him back to FS"
10:30 Hours Zulu Earth Time: March 7th 2275
Fleet Admiral Michael Porter was sitting in his wheelchair in his quarters when Grand Admiral Sally "Tarnekep" Williams comes into his quarters and gives him Papers to look at.
"whats this?" Michael asks "Fleet Reports from R33, FS knows you've escaped, and are making plans to get you, we've intercepted a communique from the Kluth Hive too Exathra, they really want you out of the picture" "we've gotta get you walking again, theres this experiemental procedure that will help you walk" "Okay, i'll do it..."
To Be Continued.......
_________________
|
Kanman
Grand Admiral
Pitch Black
Joined: August 26, 2005
Posts: 1017
From: Virginia, United States
| Posted: 2007-10-13 22:26
I rewrote the prologue for GT. Though it may still have a couple typos in there, I feel it makes for a more detailed and cohesive story.
GT, use it as an example, a template, for your other chapters. Take the time to explain different characters' motives, thoughts and actions. Consider how one character's actions could influence the other characters' actions. In the original prologue, the main character sassed the judge like a 15 year old child, and then they sent an experienced ICC officier off to UGTO territory with all the intel he could provide. Is that logical? Would that make sense? That is why I made it into an escape from isolation. Also, Why would the enemy (UGTO) find any ICC pilots 'honorable'? I had to generate a reason for the UGTO to give him a chance, which is where the attack on ICC bombers came in.
The point is, to come up with circumstances that produce the motives behind characters' actions. I still haven't read the rest of the story, but ill look forward to reading the completed peice.
_________________
|
Shath
Admiral
Pitch Black
Joined: July 17, 2007
Posts: 219
From: Portland, OR
| Posted: 2007-10-14 01:17
woot yah keep goin goth
_________________
|
Shath
Admiral
Pitch Black
Joined: July 17, 2007
Posts: 219
From: Portland, OR
| Posted: 2007-10-14 11:54
goth u shud definitly finish writing this then publish it into a book that wud be awsome!!!!!
_________________
|
Supertrooper
Marshal
Pitch Black
Joined: March 18, 2004
Posts: 1895
From: Maryland, U.S.A
| Posted: 2007-10-14 13:34
Quote:
|
On 2007-10-14 11:54, Tensa Zangetsu *Kyuubi* wrote:
goth u shud definitly finish writing this then publish it into a book that wud be awsome!!!!!
|
|
Yeah, I'd love to see 'The Book of Grammatically Incorrect Stories' too.
_________________
|
GothThug {C?}
Fleet Admiral
Joined: June 29, 2005
Posts: 2932
| Posted: 2007-10-22 10:14
Chapter 2: Greivance: Part 2: Operation: Flashpoint 17:10 Hours zulu time march 7th 2275
The Experimental Operation went according to plan, and Michael porters Spinal injurys are healing quite rapidly. The Doctors Used Captured Kluth DNA to aid in the procedure. Kluth DNA has Reconstructive Properties that AID in thier ships to heal Thus why they used this. Meanwhile, In Michaels quarters, he's resting comfortably listening to a 21st Century Metal Band known as Darkseed...A German Techno-Metal Band.....but just then he heard a ring at the door. "enter" "Ahh Tatsu, what brings you to my quarters" "nothin, just seein how my buddys doin is all...you had us all worried." "yeah." GT Said "if that beam hit any higher...i'd be dead for sure" "we got fleet reports coming in...it seems this pilot from FS is very Furious with you..as you gave her a scar on your last encounter with her"
"Ahh, i wonder who this could be i wonder" "never got her name but she's furious" "anyways michael, we have a contingency plan if Operation Flashpoint doesnt get started" "Operation Flashpoint? whats that" " just the name of your new Super Battle dread..The Flashpoint" "wow...you named it that?" " heh, I think it sounds cool tats" "anyways get dressed and meet up with the grand chancellor..He's got some special orders for you" he wants you too...Investigate a Disturbance on the outer edge of the SOL system..Near Pluto and its moon Charon" "okay....but this sounds way to coincidental"
March 8th 2275 08:00 Zulu Time: Venus Orbit
"Ahh Michael just the person i wanted to see. The Grand Admirals hold you in high favor" " i bet they do sir" "oh they do...right this way sir, the GC is expecting you"
As soon as Michael walks into the door, he heard a familiar voice...it was Grand Admiral Kanman. "hey GT long time no see bud how ya doin." im doing as well as expected these Kluth Bionics are Awesome" "yeah thats atleast 5 Billion Credits you got in your brain so dont make those go to waste, we had to build you back up so to speak haha," "ahh no wonder i dont feel so......Human, i feel a bit like a mixture between a MI Automoton and a Kluth soldier" "That was the Idea but your Occular Implant didnt work right with the kluth DNA so we had to do with a robotic one, but the Kluth Regeneration Cells seem to be doing nicely" "so, wheres the GC?" "The GC is out of system for now, i've been ordered to give you this assignment, you are too patrol the outer edge of the SOL system near Charon and Pluto for Mysterious Readings we've read there." "okay i'll do it, is the UWS Galveston Ready to go?" nope, The bridge was smashed so we have to redo it, for now, you're gonna pilot our heavily Modified Battle Dreadnaught, we named it "The Flashpoint" It should serve you well," "Very well i'll head down to the Shipyard" "wait a second GT, i am sending you 2 escorts, we dont know how much power management she can take with 4 QST's" "okay, who are you sending me with? "Fleet Admiral Veron, and Vice Admiral FlyDown they will go with you"
March 8th 2275 11:00 Venus Shipyards
"Fleet Admiral on the bridge" a young and eager ensign chimed in "Thank you ensign, As you were all" "Open a channel on the comms" "Flashpoint to Venus Shipyard control, all is ready and ready to be taken out" "understood flashpoint standby to remove all mourings" "Mourings Cleared" "Aft Thrusters" "Take us out Lieutenant, Helm Heading Charon and Pluto Jump Factor 5"
"And so it begins, i go out into the field once more, to tempt fate once again" and with that a bright flash from the new SE Drive and it was gone in the blink of an Eye
To Be continued.....
_________________
|
GothThug {C?}
Fleet Admiral
Joined: June 29, 2005
Posts: 2932
| Posted: 2007-10-25 05:48
Chapter 3: Day of Reckoning Part 1: Encounter at Charon
March 8th 2275, 12:00 Hours Zulu Time, enroute to Pluto Shipyards
This Crew Michael picked seemed to be chatter than usual...he was used to the quiet when he traveled, but he didnt seem to mind the chatter, it was a friendly welcome, the 1st Lt a female was a graduate of ITT Tech and was at the top of her class, so he let them keep chattering as it was 1 hour too Pluto orbit, blasted slow jumpdrives, this SE Jumpdrive was supposed to be fast, but wasnt fast enough. The Hum of the Singularity Engines was Entrancing and soothing. "Sir, we have an incoming transmission from Flydowns ship" "on speaker" "Sir, this is Flydown, we have intercepted a transmission from the ICC, FS are on the way to SOL System, acknowledge" "Message received" "okay boys and girls, time to get the flashpoint battleready, Red ALERT!" Klaxons with red lights go off as the hum of the armor plates switched on, and the lights dimmed, quite an awesome sight for the super EAD. Michael Porters Occular implant was bothering him but not enough to give the crew panic...."Engineering, make sure the bulkheads are fastened, i dont want one coming down on my head again, and would someone fix that damn ringing"
March 8th 2275, 01:00 hours Pluto Time, Charon Orbit
"Sir we have arrived in charons orbit preparing to orbit pluto, what are your orders sir?" "take defenseive positions, the juggarnaught might be here" "sir, this cant be right, im getting sensor ghosts left and right, its like, theres cloaked ships out there, but its ICC we're looking for right? if so, why are we getting Subspace distortions like we've got kluth in the system" "Because, thats what it is, The Juggarnaught is a Kluth/ICC hybrid of mine and Grand Admiral Nukeys Design, when i went rogue, the design fell through to nukey and him and Fatal Taxi finished it when i was Exhiled to exathra, make no mistake ladies and gentlemen, this juggarnaught is gonna be wicked."
Meanwhile 20 minutes outside sol space
Fatal Nukey and his crew were setting up the juggarnaught when they had a sensor blip on the monitor. "status!" "Sir, that was the flashpoint, they will be in attack range in 20-25 minutes" "Very good Ensign, This ship might see combat after all, HELM, TAKE US TO JUMP FACTOR 10, GO TO RED ALERT AND LOAD UP THE ANTIMATTER DISPLACEMENT TUBES! we're going in"
meanwhile back on the flashpoint
"sir, i just got a glimpse of a ship that was out of sensor range from the sol system, ship reads as the juggarnaught, and its powered up and cloaked and jumping in at jump factor 5 and will be here within the hour" "battle stations people"
to be continued....
_________________
|
FlyD4wn
Fleet Admiral
Joined: October 19, 2004
Posts: 138
From: Netherlands
| Posted: 2007-10-25 06:14
Let everyone flame, I like it!
I like it alot ^^
More More More!
_________________
|
GothThug {C?}
Fleet Admiral
Joined: June 29, 2005
Posts: 2932
| Posted: 2007-10-25 06:43
Chapter 3 Part 2: Encounter At Charon
march 8th 2275 02:00 Pluto Time
"Sir, The juggarnaughts cloaked" "what!??!" "open a channel to Flydown" "channel open" "Flydown, the juggarnaughts cloaked, request reinforcements" "roger, calling for reinforcements now" 5 Ships answered the distress call with 5 of the bravest captains in UGTO history the pilots are as follows
an Android by the name of Cerebro an agile intercepter pilot
Commanderhawk of the Elite Assault Dread vigilant
kanman aboard the Battle station Valiant
1st Rear Admiral Darkspen of the battle cruiser Redemption
Vice Admiral Junky of the Carrier Dreadnaught Pre Emptive
and Vice Admiral Reaper of the Torpedo Cruiser Soul Taker
"Reinforcements have arrived sir" with those words, the juggarnaught jumps out and released a Fury on the Flashpoint that would make a kluths skin crawl "Sir, we took a direct hit to our port side, we are venting atmosphere" "EVACUATE THOSE DECKS, SEAL THE HULL BREACHES" "Auto repair compensating sir...." The Juggarnaught decloaks off the Flashpoints point bow hitting the forward AM Torpedo Tube Chamber causing secondary explosions "SIR THAT LAST HEAVY CHEMICAL LASER BLAST TOOK OUT OUR PORT SIDE TORPEDO BAY!" "sir, the juggarnaughts not cloaking" "ALL SHIPS OPEN FIRE ON THE JUGGARNAUGHT, TARGET THEIR BRIDGE!" Flydown and commanderhawk follow orders and 3 QST's hit their bridge. Fatal nukey was on the bridge when the QST's hit but was unscathed "Sir, our cloak is dead we need to retreat!," "Very well, Plot a course to CD-36 and engage at maximum Jump" "sir, the juggarnaught is retreating" But not until the juggarnaught released 4 Ion cannons On the Stardrive section of the Battle Elite Assault Dreadnaught causing one of the engines to become destabilized and knock it off its axis. "This is bad for Michael" Kanman Thought as he engaged 4 Tractor beams to the flashpoint so it wont hit Charons atmosphere. "Flashpoint to the Reliant, Michael is hurt badly we need a medical team stat! That last Ion cannon burst Knocked him out and his occular implant is shot"
March 9th 2275 Luna Infirmary
The Doctors come out of Michaels Room with news. "He's not gonna make it....that ion cannon burst he took really reopened some of his old injuries" "seems like fatal squadron really wants him gone, but we arent gonna give up on him without a fight" "he's gonna pull through we hope"
to be continued........
[ This Message was edited by: GothThug {C?} on 2007-10-25 07:01 ]
_________________
|
GothThug {C?}
Fleet Admiral
Joined: June 29, 2005
Posts: 2932
| Posted: 2007-10-25 08:43
Chapter 4: Revenge is a dish that is served cold Part 1: Bomber Interception
March 10th 2275 08:00 Zulu Time Venus Shipyard
It has been 2 days since the young fleet admiral was criticially injured but, with the new Kluth DNA he recovered quite fast quite fast in fact that the ICC spies in the UGTO government Reported back to FS headquarters on Paul in R33. Fatal Nukey is disappointed, not only did the juggarnaught receive critical damage to its Forward Torpedo Array but the bridge was smashed and was gonna take days of Repair, so, the CO of Fatal Squadron gave him command of a Specially Fitted Line Station with 3 Extra Ion cannons, 10 Extra Partical Cannon Emitters, 10 Fighter bays, 6 Proton Cruise Missle 5's, and Special Torpedos. The Flashpoint didnt fare so well either, for the right engine was completely Destroyed and it was gonna take Days to find another Singularity Engine. The UWS Galveston is Repaired and ready to be underway.
Venus Shipyard 09:00 Zulu Time
"Status Ensign" michael says "the galveston is yours sir, refitted as you requested" " excellent, Engine Room report" "SE drives are functioning within normal parameters, SE Jumpdrive operating at 100%" "Bridge this is Venus Shipyard all looks a go" "affirmative" "Helm you have the conn, i'll be in my quarters" "Aye Sir"
Michaels confidence is shot, could he go through another surprise attack like that? time will tell.."Fleet Admiral Porter to the bridge" "what is it ensign?" "sir, we have reports of a Massive ICC Fleet Massing near Lalande, and Fleet command has requested reinforcements...do we go?"
"yes, Plot an intercept course to the planet yahoo and engage at maximum jump"
Things arent looking well in lalande as reports of Mass Bombings have been reported near the Vesper Cluster, 2 Sightings of 2 Bomber Dreadnaughts Mirv Class have been Glassing Systems Rampantly with no care in the world but they are gonna get a wild wake up call...
"Sir we have reached the planet yahoo and there is a Bomber Dreadnaught 2000 GU off our Port" "helm engage the bomber, and jam his communications we dont want surprises. Rogue Spear who was busy bombing the planet yahoo wasnt paying attention, he was playing Cards on his computer when the bridge shook. "Bridge this is rogue spear what was that? "Sir, we have a Battle Dread Closing on top of us closing fast, do we engage? "Negative, keep bombing until all mirvs are launched" "but sir, we took an EMP blast that knocked out our mirv bombs." Oh bloody hell, helm emergency jump," "jump not responding sir!"
"Target their bridge"! "sir what bridge? our Torpedos destroyed it.." "Sir, The bomber dreads Jump drive just went critical." "On screen" Just then The Bomber dread goes up in flames and the planet yahoo is safe once again....but is it?
"Sir, we got fleet reports that 2 Line stations have broken formation in R33 and are lining up with the Lalande Jumpgate...time to intercept 15 minutes" "well, this day keeps getting better and better!" "Sir, the lead line station is Fatal Nukey and the other is......no...it cannot be" "WHAT IS IT ENSIGN!" "The other line station is Krissooo she is excellent at combat" "oh crap, they do want me dead" "SIR!, 5 ASSAULT CRUISERS ARE HEADING TO YAHOO! time to intercept 10 minutes" "well, we're gonna see what this battle dread is made of boys, RED ALERT!" And with those words, the battle dreads engines hummed like nothing before, klaxons went off and people were running to their battle stations. "Sir, it seems the kluth want in on this too, Reports are coming in from Delta Pavonis, the brotherhood have dispatched 2 siphons, 2 Mandibles, and 3 Scarabs...time to intercept 12 minutes" "oh man, comm, signal for help, now!" "distress call received"
to be continued......
_________________
|
Don Nukey of ICC *CO*
Chief Marshal
Interstellar Cultural Confederation United
Chatting in 'DarkSpace English'
Joined: June 05, 2006
Posts: 429
From: Zeebrugge, belgium
| Posted: 2007-10-25 13:19
nice story love it goth keep up the good work
note this is the juggernaught of the story:
http://i20.tinypic.com/14kupow.jpg
it the completed sketch model not the real detailed model
[ This Message was edited by: Fatal Nukey *ADM* on 2007-10-25 13:20 ]
_________________
|
|
English
Deutsch
Nederlands
)
